pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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