honey bunches of taint.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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