So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
