WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
