Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
