You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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