You work out of a Hotel?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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