If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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