she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
