i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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