They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
