the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
