So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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