Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
