I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
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All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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