Got a toothbrush?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
