Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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