Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
