help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
