I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
