I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
