No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
