his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
