we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
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Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
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