mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize