There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I think your dad took our porno
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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