Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
