my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
