dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
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Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
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When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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