literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
