Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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