guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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