I am spending my child support on dildos
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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