absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
