I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
