oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize