there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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