It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
