i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize