Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.