there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.