Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
