Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
