hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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