Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I look better un-naked...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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