So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My life is pants optional.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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