Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i need an iv and a liver transplant
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
