There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
