oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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