"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
