she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
