Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
