dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
