Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
