ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
