You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
