im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
