capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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