I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
