I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
