I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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