theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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