dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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