Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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